Directed by Frank Pierson
A Star is Born (1976) is the third film iteration of this story. The first came out in 1937, the second came out in 1954, and a fourth version will be released next month, starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. The 1954 version starring Judy Garland is the one I really wanted to see, but the 1976 version is on Netflix. It was the end of the month, and I was broke.
This 1976 version is apparently sponsored by Schlitz beer, and stars Barbra Streisand’s perm and a blown-out, crusty Kris Kristofferson. It is tailored to the sensibilities of the time, which means the characters are sell-out arena rockstars instead of actors. John Norman Howard (Kristofferson) is a lonely, alcoholic cock-rock star whose career is circling the toilet as he grows increasingly bored with wealth and fame. After a dismal concert, he gets wasted and stumbles into a dive bar with a bucket of chicken under his arm. There he happens to see a singing trio comprised of two black women and a white woman called–I shit you not–The Oreos. The white woman, Esther (Streisand), really catches his attention, and he becomes obsessed with her.
It was the ’70s…
After he repeatedly harasses her, she relents to spending time with him. He picks her up and drives her to his mansion where he demands that she sing for him. He likes her so much that he defaces his own house by grabbing a can of black spray paint and writing her name on the wall. Then they take a bubble bath together in a giant tub surrounded by candles shoved into Schlitz cans. Esther puts rhinestones on John Norman’s eyebrows, and smears lipstick on his cheeks. Sexy.
After their bizarre mating ritual, John Norman helps Esther into the music biz by forcing her to perform onstage during a benefit concert. She is an instant hit, and her career takes off. For some reason, Esther wants to marry this human disaster. They get a quickie courthouse marriage, and the Justice of the Peace gives them a box of wedding gifts including a “strawberry douche.”
………………………It was the ’70s………..
They build a house in the middle of the desert where they mess around riding horses and wallowing in mud until a cavalcade of businessmen come looking for them. It’s time for the cash cow to give milk, and Esther must go on tour. She begs John Norman to go with her, and after a lot of arguing he finally agrees. But he learns that his band has moved on without him, and that the business people don’t want him on tour because he is an embarrassing has-been that could potentially harm Esther’s image. Also, he’s a sloppy drunk and a liability.
Esther goes on tour while John Norman sits home and stews in his own insecurity. One day he finds a naked woman in his swimming pool and sleeps with her for an ego boost. Esther conveniently walks in to find them in bed together. But it doesn’t matter because she is co-dependent and will forgive anything he does, even when he crashes the Grammy awards and ruins her acceptance speech in front of a live national audience.
One day John Norman gets sick enough of his own bullshit that he crashes his car in the desert. Then the rest of the movie is a Barbra Streisand concert.
I don’t know what Joan Didion was thinking when she got involved in writing the screenplay for this, other than maybe she had bills to pay. And I really don’t understand why they have to remake this movie once every 20 years or so. I’ll probably still watch the Judy Garland version if I see it streaming for free, though.
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